


they say that time's supposed to heal ya

by alesford



Series: our family of choice [22]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Angst and Feels, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Gen, Wynonna Earp Needs a Hug, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:31:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16033043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alesford/pseuds/alesford
Summary: Wynonna isn’t good at apologizing. Honestly, she’s pretty awful at it if her encounter with flipping August Hamilton is any indication. It also made at least one other thing perfectly clear — Wynonna has hurt a lot of people and she won’t ever win a popularity contest in Purgatory.She isn’t good at apologies. But she needs to get this one right. She needs for this one to be real and good and honest and genuine. Because she needs Alice to know.She’s sorry.





	they say that time's supposed to heal ya

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sensitive_pigeon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sensitive_pigeon/gifts).



> This takes place following [**'take me home (mommy, i'm coming home)'**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15090449).

 

**they say that time's supposed to heal ya**

_hello from the other side_  
_i must have called a thousand times_  
_to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done_  
_but when I call you never seem to be home_  
_\- 'hello' by adele_

 

Wynonna isn’t good at apologizing. Honestly, she’s pretty shitty at it if her encounter with flipping August Hamilton is any indication. It also made at least one other thing perfectly clear — Wynonna has hurt a lot of people and she won’t ever win a popularity contest in Purgatory.

  
She isn’t good at apologies. But she needs to get this one right. She _needs_ for this one to be real and good and honest and genuine.

  
Because she needs Alice to know:

 

She’s sorry.

 

She’s sorry for a lot of things. Secreting her away to a life outside the Ghost River Triangle. Bustling her back to Purgatory and to a mother and a father who love her even if they weren’t quite sure _how_ to love her. Passing along a shitty legacy, despite the fact that they’ve broken Bulshar’s stupid curse.

  
The legacy of the Earp name isn’t just a supernatural shit sandwich; it’s the normal, everyday kind of suck, too.

  
Because Alice might be a Holliday in name. She might have Doc’s blue, blue eyes —

_dainty and delicate in blue_

— and a softness in her heart for broken things and broken people. She might have Wynonna’s dark brown hair that looks more auburn in the early morning sunlight and the same habitual streak of choosing all the wrong things for all the right reasons.

  
She may be the perfect amalgamation of two people who are prone to self-destruction in the noblest of ways.

  
Alice Michelle is named after a Holliday and a Gibson but she is, without a doubt, an Earp.

  
Cursed as it may be.

  
Wynonna is sorry. She’s sorry for sending her into the unknown. She’s sorry for pulling her back into it, into a family that’s odd as fuck and really kind of messed up. She’s sorry that people whisper behind their backs. That Alice has inherited all the gossip of her mother’s past and the history of a drunken lawman and all the craziness that came before him.

 

She’s _sorry._

 

And so she slips into Alice’s bedroom early one Tuesday morning after the witching hour has come and gone. Doc still snores in their bed as Wynonna makes her way up the stairs in her pajamas and fuzzy socks.

  
She has memories of making this climb up the stairs to sneak into Willa’s room late at night, whispering about nothing of consequence until the time they knew their daddy would wake from his drunken stupor. She remembers Waverly trying to follow her one night and Willa chasing her away with a sharp tongue and hateful words..

  
It feels like another lifetime, and Wynonna supposes that maybe it was.

  
She sits on the edge of Alice’s bed and the girl doesn’t wake. She doesn’t even stir one bit.

  
The moon is new and the snow almost glimmers beneath the starlight. Wynonna whispers in the dark but these are words of consequence. These mean something.

 

(They mean everything.)

 

Wynonna mumbles her apology to the silent room, and it’s composed of stuttered syllables and stifled sobs with more than one tear shed. Her voice cracks and it feels like her ribcage is cracked open, baring her heart for all and nobody to see. She feels raw, stripped to muscle and bone and broken things.

  
This is a practice run, she knows. For when the time comes that she’s brave enough to open the cage around her heart and soul in the light of day and not the black of night.

  
Because Wynonna isn’t good at apologizing. She isn’t good at it and so she sits beside her daughter’s sleeping form and tests her courage and finds the edges of her own vulnerability. She whispers in the dark because she isn’t yet brave enough. Because she isn’t quite ready.

  
She isn’t good at apologies and she needs this one to be right.

 

It has to be right.

 

Because when the time comes, Wynonna needs Alice to understand even if she can never forgive. She needs her to know:

 

Wynonna has always loved her. That Alice has had her heart since before she entered the world in the middle of the bar with demonic outlaws threatening to steal her as some twisted tribute. That not a day went by in those three years, nine months, and seventeen days that she didn’t think of her daughter. That she didn’t whisper, _I love you and I miss you and I’m sorry,_ like a prayer and a promise.

 

She needs Alice to understand.

  
She hopes Alice can forgive her.

 

(Because Wynonna isn’t sure she can ever really forgive herself. Forgive herself for the selfishness that made her want to cling to that beautiful, sweet and innocent bundle in her arms and never let go. Forgive her for the selfishness that made her give up that precious, precious little girl so she could fight her demons without worry.

   
The latter is a lie.  
  


She still worried.

   
It was never selfish.

   
It was always for Alice.

   
Even if Wynonna thinks and feels otherwise.

   
She knows, though.

   
They all do.)

 

  
To Alice, always.

 

 


End file.
